So, I have been on fluoxetine for nearly two months and I have secured a repeat prescription because it is working so well. I had some initial concerns about how it was making it me feel a little disengaged with serious situations – I caught myself looking at the sky instead of the road when I was driving and from then on I had to make myself really concentrate. That seems to have sorted itself out now; I’m not easily distracted or careless. I am also finding it a little hard to sleep at the moment, but that could be because I am worried about the political and economic situation in the UK, but most of all I am worried about my cat (he won’t eat). The insomnia is something I might have to monitor.
Goodbye, alcohol. I won’t miss you.
I also know that I can’t drink any alcohol while I’m taking fluoxetine. I know it isn’t recommended and I found out the hard way why. I didn’t think a couple of glasses of fizzy wine would affect me as much as they did. It was like having a terrible hangover mixed with heightened anxiety: a deep feeling of sicky dread. I couldn’t really speak to anyone or handle being in public the next day. It was just awful. Alcohol is not worth it.
However, most of the time I feel great. I’m starting to get a little annoyed with the sound of my own voice though. I’m not really a talker, but that seems to be changing. I chatter on quite a lot more and I find myself seeking the company of others when previously I would have gone to bed and watched TV. I talk to my friends a lot more and I have no problems reversing my car when people can see me (my three-point turn is particularly excellent again). We went out for a meal with the extended family last week, and my aunt said it was nice to have the ‘happy’ me back. Maybe I was more down than I thought I was. I do know I haven’t had such a good laugh with my cousin in a very long time.
I had to have a hot water bottle last night, but I think I just will have to occasionally. My anxiety manifests itself as Raynaud’s, and there will never be no anxiety.
The medication is still working, hurrah! I don’t want to get ahead of myself and think/say my Raynaud’s is under control – I thought that briefly when I was taking nifedipine and it didn’t last – but I’m feeling good. In fact, the medication is working so well I find myself almost missing some of my symptoms. Not the shaking or the terrible pain, but the coldness had its advantages:
- I’d forgotten what it was like to get uncomfortably warm and start sweating. I hadn’t had a sweaty back and a shiny face for at least a year before this week. I DID NOT miss that sensation. Yuck.
- “I don’t know what to wear today”/”Are my arms/legs/middle bits looking chubby?”/”I haven’t got a clean bra that is suitable to wear under that top”. These thoughts didn’t matter because I could just wear a jumper and some jeans. I didn’t have to worry I would get too warm because that never happened. Jumpers are great. Especially because I’m lazy. I also saved loads of money because I didn’t need any summer clothes.
- I could sleep comfortably under a 10- or 15-tog duvet during the summer. I could wrap up and be all cosy like a very cosy thing. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or worry it was too hot to get to sleep; I just slept.
- I could get away with not doing all the washing up and other attack-triggering chores. It’s not like the rest of the housework has stopped being responsibility now I’m feeling better.
Don’t get me wrong, Raynaud’s. I don’t like you, but sometimes you weren’t absolutely awful. I’ll give you that.
I have been on fluoxetine for over a month now. I think it is still going well. I’m fairly warm, even when others are saying things like ‘ooh, isn’t it cold’ and ‘who would have thought it’s June?’ I have some aches and pains, but they aren’t nearly as bad as they were.
I don’t feel quite as relaxed about everything as I did when I first started taking it, but I know it is still making a difference: my car wouldn’t start and I just asked for a lift and forgot about it for the afternoon – previously I would have worried so much I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy lunch with my friends. I did feel a wave of anxiety later when we tried and failed to jump start it. But now I feel OK; it’s not the end of the world. I’ll get a new battery. I am also very quick to laugh and see the funny side of things at the moment, and I think that is a much healthier attitude.
I had one day last week where I was very cold and couldn’t stop shivering – I got into bed with a hot water bottle and was fine when I woke up a few hours later. My mum asked if the attack was because I was worried about something, but if I was it was subconscious. A few days later I did a lot of walking and I was very achy in the evening – not just my legs but also my arms. I think that was a combination of extra activity and worrying about my non-starting car.
Despite the two incidents above, this is the best my Raynaud’s has been for over a year. Things are looking positive.